The post is developed in partnership with BetterHelp.
Imagine going to the grocery store, and waiting and waiting until you get to the front of the line "“ only to have the register closed right as you're about to check out. It's easy to feel frustrated, maybe even feel like your whole day has been gone wrong. We've all been there. Even though we have the best of intentions going in, we feel ourselves being derailed by external events and not able to return to a positive frame of mind.
While accepting our fallible human behavior is healthy, so is looking for answers on how to make our lives better. One of the ways to look for answers is by chatting with people online. Anonymous chats can be a positive way to connect with people over professional interests and hobbies, but not as a substitute for working with a therapist. If you're considering working with a counselor, it's important to weigh the pros and cons. Check out this BetterHelp advice covering anonymous chatting versus professional online counseling.
In this article, we'll look at three easy steps you can work on to bring more emotional regulation into your life, which can be helpful in moderating negative emotions.
What Is Emotional Regulation?
Emotional regulation is the ability to consciously direct our emotions, even though we may be experiencing a challenging situation. In the case of the grocery store example in the previous paragraph, a person who is in that frustrating situation could choose not to feel the emotion of frustration.
Put another way, there's a space between the stimuli and the response where we have a choice in how we respond. A quote that captures this space is often attributed to psychiatrist Viktor E. Frankl: "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
Three Steps To Better Emotional Regulation
In short, our ability to emotionally regulate is our ability to choose our reaction to a situation or stimuli. Relatively easy to explain, but much harder to do. So let's break down three important steps that can help bring you closer to feeling in control of your emotions.
1. Identify Your Emotions
In order to choose how to respond, it's first helpful to acknowledge the feelings the situation is bringing out in us. If we're in a situation that is potentially frustrating or annoying, start by acknowledging that it could be a really frustrating thing. Even though a situation or person can be annoying, you can then choose whether to be annoyed by them.
Practice identifying your emotions through journaling and prompts. Try using a feelings wheel where you can point to an emotion, especially if you're finding it challenging to articulate your emotions.
2. Challenge Unhealthy Beliefs
Although the grocery store example of waiting in line for no reason is frustrating, does getting frustrated have to follow? Although it may be challenging to believe we have some conscious control over our emotions, the fact is that each person has the power to manage their emotions to some extent. It's important to challenge disempowering beliefs that lead us to feel trapped by our circumstances and the emotions we feel.
Part of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) involves learning to challenge cognitive distortions that impede our personal power and ability to successfully direct our lives. By challenging these negative biases and filters, we can learn to lead more positive and enriching lives. To start, try noticing negative thoughts that come up. Ask yourself if the distressing thoughts you're having are factual or if they're the result of fear and negative thinking.
3. Learn To Live In The Present Without Harmful Judgment
By bringing our awareness to the present and accepting what is going on without judgment, we can simply move through an experience without becoming upset. Even if the situation is stressful or annoying, we can choose to stay in our calm mind in the present moment. Again, this is easier said than done. But there are tools to help us strengthen our ability to direct our mind and to remain in the present. Look to mindfulness practices, breathing exercises, grounding techniques, and meditation for ways to strengthen your mind.
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